THE SECRET ABOUT MEN WHO HAVE A GRUDGE AGAINST WOMEN

I’m known for gathering abusive men’s secrets and turning them over to the other side. A couple of people have said to me, for example, that having a copy of Why Does He Do That? is like getting your hands on the other team’s playbook. So now I’m going to do it again. And this…

Eric Schneiderman is Not a Surprise — He’s a Classic

The media and the public are acting so shocked about Eric Schneiderman. How could a man with such a great public image, and a women’s rights advocate even, turn out to be a vicious batterer?   I wish people weren’t so surprised. Those of us who work in the domestic violence field have been trying…

Forbidden to Protect

My new play, which I co-wrote with Patrice Lenowitz of The Nurtured Parent (see nurturedparent.org), was performed May 6th in Albany, NY at the annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference. We had 175 people in the audience. Our wonderful 12-person cast put the show together in record time to get it ready for the conference.  …

It’s Not Your Fault When You Give In

A lot of abusive men use relentlessness as one of their most powerful tactics.   Consider this question:  Does your partner sometimes (or often) keep after you with a never-ending stream of badgering, criticism, pressure, and guilt-tripping? And is the result that you end up giving in when you really don’t want to, because you…

Does He Want You All To Himself

Isolation tactics are one of the key defining points of an abuser’s behavior. If you’re partner tries to …   * make you feel alone * turn you against other people * turn other people against you * get you not to trust the world around you * make you feel suspicious of your friends…

How He Gets You Back

If you’re considering leaving an abusive or controlling partner — or if you’ve already done it — it’s important to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for the tactics he’s likely to use to try to lure you back in.   Even though it’s very hard to leave an abusive partner, the tough reality is that…

Can a Counseling Program Change Him

Abusers take many years to become the destructive partners they are. They begin absorbing negative messages early in their childhood, from movies and rock videos, from their male relatives, from the less-healthy aspects of their religious training. Sometimes by the time a boy is four or five he has already learned:   *  to speak…