THE WILD TRUTH

Many of you have read Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer, or have seen the Sean Penn movie of the same name; the movie starred Emile Hirsch and included a poignantly beautiful soundtrack by Eddie Vedder. If you did, you learned a version of the story with all the abuse excised from it. Into the…

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HIDING BEHIND SEX ADDICTION

Men who abuse their partners are seizing on the latest excuse, and running off to bed with it: Sex Addiction. Yes, suddenly lots and lots of abusers are declaring that they aren’t perpetrators, they’re victims. They say they’re trapped in an addiction, helpless over their behavior, driven by a deep compulsion that is beyond their…

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CALLING ANIMALS “SHE”

Have you ever noticed that we refer to all animals as “he” unless we know for sure that they’re females? If you referred to, say, a squirrel as “she,” people would say to you, “Wait, how do you know it’s a ‘she’?” But if you call it “he,” nobody asks you how you know it’s…

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REBUILDING SEVERED RELATIONSHIPS

AKA KIDS WHO SIDE WITH THE ABUSER By the time children pull away from their mothers, they’re profoundly wounded. They wouldn’t pull away otherwise. On a deep level they desperately want to be close to her. Those loving feelings may be buried under huge piles of emotional injury, but they’re still there. They distanced themselves…

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WHY I WROTE “IN CUSTODY”

NOTE: The first 30 pages of In Custody are now free for anyone to read. Go to the book’s website, InCustodyTheNovel.com, and click on “Read Chapters 1-5.”   I’ll give the short answer first. I wanted something we could hand to people who don’t get it. I wanted to be able to tell them that…

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NARCISSISTS VS. ABUSERS, PART 2

  I received a large (and at times agitated) response to my post on the difference between abusive men and narcissists. In the midst of those dialogues I promised to pursue the issues further in a Part 2. In the mean time, I wrote a post explaining my view of narcissists, to help clarify the…

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THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT NARCISSISM

I’ve promised to write a second part to my post about the difference between narcissists and abusers. But I decided that first I need to explain a number of key concepts regarding severe self-centeredness, also called “narcissism” or “personality disorder.” So that’s what I’m exploring today. I’m not writing here about abusive men. I’m writing…

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KIDS WHO SEE THROUGH THE ABUSER

Divorce professionals are fond of saying that children feel “caught in the middle.” But a lot of kids don’t feel that way at all. They see clearly where the abuse is coming from, and they recognize their dad or step-dad’s manipulations. They wish he would stop bullying Mom and stop bullying them. They wish he…

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NARCISSISTS VS. ABUSERS

Lately it has become all the rage to refer to all men who abuse women as “narcissists.” In fact the terms “abuser” and “male abuser” seem to be fading away. I generally don’t like to debate about word choices, but this time it matters. The change to using the term “narcissists” is a mistake. Here’s…

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