REBUILDING SEVERED RELATIONSHIPS

AKA  KIDS WHO SIDE WITH THE ABUSER, PART 3   By the time children pull away from their mothers, they’re profoundly wounded. They wouldn’t pull away otherwise. On a deep level they desperately want to be close to her. Those loving feelings may be buried under huge piles of emotional injury, but they’re still there.…

WHY I WROTE “IN CUSTODY”

I’ll give the short answer first. I wanted something we could hand to people who don’t get it. I wanted to be able to tell them that the book is a fun read, hoping that would lure them into it. So I wrote a novel that’s humorous, romantic, and suspenseful. The most common feedback I…

KIDS WHO SIDE WITH THE ABUSER, PART 2

In Part 1 of this post, I began exploring some of the reasons why kids may side with a man who abuses their mother, especially if he’s their father. We looked in particular at kids’ desperate desire to feel safe – and it feels safer to be on the abuser’s team — and their desire…

KIDS WHO SIDE WITH THE ABUSER, PART 1

Several weeks ago, I wrote a post about kids who see through the abuser. To my surprise, it was the most popular piece I’d put up in a long time; a lot of my readers are trying to see through kids’ eyes. How do young people form their understandings of what is happening when their…

THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT NARCISSISM

I’ve promised to write a second part to my post about the difference between narcissists and abusers. But I decided that first I need to explain a number of key concepts regarding severe self-centeredness, also called “narcissism” or “personality disorder.” So that’s what I’m exploring today. I’m not writing here about abusive men. I’m writing…

KIDS WHO SEE THROUGH THE ABUSER

Divorce professionals are fond of saying that children feel “caught in the middle.” But a lot of kids don’t feel that way at all. They see clearly where the abuse is coming from, and they recognize their dad or step-dad’s manipulations. They wish he would stop bullying Mom and stop bullying them. They wish he…

TIME TO SPEAK BLUNTLY ABOUT THE FAMILY COURTS

   It’s time to say the obvious truth straight up. No pretty ribbons, no proving how “reasonable” I am by sugar-coating the harsh reality of what’s actually happening.      Here it is:  The family court system across the continent has become the moral equivalent of a slave trade. Mothers and children have no rights at…

KEY SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

KEY SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Over the years, many people have said to me, “Lists exist out there of warning signs of an abusive partner – which is good to have – but what are the signs of the opposite? How do I know when I’m in a healthy relationship?” Here are some ideas…