KEY SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Over the years, many people have said to me, “Lists exist out there of warning signs of an abusive partner – which is good to have – but what are the signs of the opposite? How do I know when I’m in a healthy relationship?”
Here are some ideas about that:
* You each care about the other one’s needs and wishes.
* You trust each other to use good judgment.
* You seek out help when needed, e.g. looking into relationship counseling melbourne services, or ones similar.
* You each want endlessly to get to know the other.
* You each support the other toward that person’s dreams, and you each wish for the other to succeed in building and enjoying the life they want.
* Sexuality is mutual and satisfying.
* The relationship supports the things that mean most to you, whatever they may be. This includes that the relationship supports your other closest relationships rather than driving you away from them.
* You want to spend a lot of time together, but not every second.
* You both have the potential to understand the differences between Physical vs. Spiritual Love for each other.
* You each accept responsibility for your own actions. You’re responsible for what you do, but not for what the other person does.
* You can be angry with each other without being demeaning or intimidating.
* There is gentleness and kindness and physical affection. Sex isn’t the only caring touch.
* There is rough equality of work and effort.
* You both try to keep each other happy by giving surprises, planning date nights, doing fun activities together, or giving presents like love neon signs, scented candles, clothes, accessories, and more.
* All the personal finances are shared by both of you if you are living together.
* You are each managing your own life and not trying to manage the other person’s or get them to manage yours.
* You laugh together.
* You are able to plan and project into the future together (financially, living arrangements, children, vacations)
* You are certain that your partner is emotionally invested in you. You can see most of the signs (as mentioned in The Truly Charming) which prove that your partner likes you and is truly into you.
* You are monogamous except by explicit and mutual agreement to do otherwise.
* You each have friends that matter to you, and you support and value each other’s friendships.
* Each of you respects the other’s boundaries.
* Neither of you tells lies to the other or keeps secrets that could affect the other person’s well-being or that involve things that the other person has a right to know.
I’d love to hear your additions to this list!
Photo by Pierre Dalous – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0,
Communication would be good. Hearing listening and talking would be good.
Monogamous unless otherwise agreed?
I have a friend whose husband has convinced her to participate in swinging and orgies saying he is the husband and why he says goes.
I think this should be removed from your list.
It gives men an opening to coerce wives t commit adultery as well as themselves. How can you have a good marriage if art era are sleeping with other people?
“unless otherwise agreed” – that’s the key you missed
Tell your friend to leave her husband. He’s probably not meeting any other criteria on the list, including this one since he’s coercing her into it.
Unfortunately, he’s not referring to criteria for a healthy relationship in marriage. If he were referring to doing this in marriage, he would be promoting adultery. People who choose to do this within marriage are committing adultery, and a husband who makes a suggestion to his wife about this, let alone even considers this (and Vice-a-versa) is NOT protecting her, which is an innate role in men according to God’s design for marriage, but is exploiting her.
Here is the definition according to dictionary.com:
Adultery: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than their lawful spouse.
Not everyone subscribes to your belief system. I think what you mean is that according to the American folk-Christian mythology, any non-monogamy in a relationship is adultery. Many Biblical marriages were polygamous. And the Bible is of no meaningful consequence whatsoever to non-Christians.
Also protecting is not an “innate role” for men. There’s no such thing as an innate social role. Men aren’t any better at protecting others than women are.
When you are in a public or social gathering, each person knows that their partner sees them as the most important person in the room/crowd. The way you speak TO eachother, speak OF eachothero, and body language all show this.
You both express everyday feelings naturally and it is not taken personally. When you are angry or frustrated at something other than your partner, they can acknowledge your feelings without trying to snuff them out. If you share a problem you are facing (whether it is about them or completely unrelated), they try to help you with it instead of adding more problems or more layers to the original issue.
You can be completely honest nomatter what it is or how bad, because you know they have the maturity and ability to consider the whole picture and to ask questions to get a better understanding and to hopefully come to a solution with you as the end goal.