Lately it has become all the rage to refer to all men who abuse women as “narcissists.” In fact the terms “abuser” and “male abuser” seem to be fading away. I generally don’t like to debate about word choices, but this time it matters. The change to using the term “narcissists” is a mistake. Here’s…
It’s time to say the obvious truth straight up. No pretty ribbons, no proving how “reasonable” I am by sugar-coating the harsh reality of what’s actually happening. Here it is: The family court system across the continent has become the moral equivalent of a slave trade. Mothers and children have no rights at…
KEY SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Over the years, many people have said to me, “Lists exist out there of warning signs of an abusive partner – which is good to have – but what are the signs of the opposite? How do I know when I’m in a healthy relationship?” Here are some ideas…
I promised that in the next installment in this series I would address what groups can do, including established domestic violence programs. What I’m writing about in this post is groups that work to provide services for survivors of abuse. (I wrote in the last post about the need for groups that are focused…
(This tirade is a little different from the more measured writing you may be accustomed to from me, so take a deep breath. The piece is in two parts, both of which are below.) Part 1 The abusive man learns early in life, from his surrounding society and beyond, that when he becomes an…
In the first three posts of this series, I laid out a collection of concerns regarding the direction that domestic violence work has taken over roughly the past two decades. The issues I’m raising are ones that have been brought to me by abused women themselves and by program staff, many of whom are also…
The Current State of Domestic Violence Services, Part 3 In the first two parts of this post, I wrote about trends that I’ve observed in domestic violence services that concern me a great deal. The movement has been derailed into seeing abused women as victims of individual misfortune, rather than recognizing that they are…
The Current State of Domestic Violence Services, Part 2 A few months ago, I wrote a blog post laying out a substantial set of concerns I have regarding the direction that domestic violence work has been heading in across the U.S. and Canada. I promised in that post that I would write a second post…
A terrific podcast has recently gone up where an adult brother and sister discuss their experience growing up with a father who abused their mother. They open up about how the experience has affected their lives, and discuss the kinds of healing they have done to overcome the emotional wounds they experienced. I…